why does everyone but me seem to have it all together?
We offer therapy in Orillia and across Ontario for perfectionism, people pleasing, low self-esteem, and other confidence and self-worth related issues. You don’t have to hold it all alone - we understand that the demands are life are huge and unending. We can help you be gentler on yourself, and find ways to get through the day that don’t feel so awful.
what perfectionism can look like
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Perfectionism is about holding ourselves to a standard that we don’t ever seem to be able to reach. It can look like beating yourself up for mistakes, procrastinating, anxiety over doing tasks, overwhelm and other.
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People pleasing comes from the anxious desire to manage other people’s emotions. We often feel responsible for how other people are feeling, what they are doing, and for meeting their needs without ever being asked. This can lead to constantly feeling hyper-vigilant around other people, and feeling guilty about standing up for yourself, communicating boundaries, or having needs at all.
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Intellectualizing is a strategy we are taught from an early age - to try to use logic to manage our emotions. This can look like trying to convince yourself not to feel something, telling yourself you are overreacting, or otherwise minimizing the signals your body is giving you. The issue is that emotions do not respond to “realistic” logic - they have their own set of logic, based in our biological survival instincts.
how can therapy help with perfectionism?
Therapy can help you understand the root of your perfectionist tendencies, often rooted in our attachment patterns learned in early childhood. It can also help you learn to soothe and manage those anxiety and shame-driven parts of yourself, so that you can slow down, give yourself a break, and let yourself have needs without guilt.
Frequently Asked Questions
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Most people are socialized to use shame as their primary motivator, and to attach their self worth to outside outcomes. It’s common to believe that we will feel better once we achieve “the good life”, whether that be having a partner, having a family, having a career, having the “right” body or all of the above. Even if we do achieve these things, it is rarely the “happily ever after” we are promised.
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Procrastination often has to do with shame, unrealistic expectations and/or difficulty with executive functioning. Our brains are wired to conserve energy. What this means is that when our expectations are too high, or we use shame to motivate ourselves, we can’t find any relief in completing tasks. There is always something else to do or something that wasn’t “good enough”. Naturally, our brains learn that exerting that effort doesn’t get us anything but more stress, and lean into avoidance instead.
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Relaxing (the kind that isn’t just disappearing into our phones) is inherently an act of surrender. We have to trust that we can stop monitoring everything and be okay. Our brains often have a hard time believing that. Control feels safe. Unfortunately, when we are constantly burning our energy by thinking, planning and doing, our bodies don’t get the chance to refill the tank, and we often end up burning out.
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It’s up to you! Therapy does often involve reevaluating your expectations of yourself, but you decide what you want to keep and what isn’t working for you anymore. Therapy is not about “making” you do anything. It’s about helping you find your own answers, and supporting you on the uncomfortable journey to get there.
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Generally, we approach this by helping you to figure out where the underlying pressure is coming from, release your shame, build self-trust and learn to accept care from yourself and others. This healing can only fully be done within the context of our relationships, which is why therapy can be so helpful – we are professional relationship builders!
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Striving is not a problem. Not being able to stop striving because you worry about what will happen if you do is a problem that is likely to lead you to burnout. On top of that, we are often not making a conscious choice to push ourselves. Instead, it’s subconscious patterns we have learned about what makes us valuable as human being that drive us. Therapy is about helping you conscious choose for yourself, instead of being driven solely by your subconscious. Collaborative, honest, and straightforward. We're here to guide the process, bring ideas to the table, and keep things moving.
Max McKenzie’s approach to therapy is direct, collaborative and intuitive. They focus on the root cause of issues, rather than just symptoms, to help you maintain long term change. Max strives to hold space for you, challenge you and equip you with the intuitive knowledge and body-informed tools to grow through your areas of stuckness.
We provide secure virtual psychotherapy appointments throughout Ontario and within Simcoe County — Orillia, Gravenhurst, Barrie, Midland, Bracebridge, Collingwood, Coldwater, Washago, Oro-Medonte.
Lisa brings both professional training and lived experience to her work. Alongside training in couples therapy, trauma, grief, addiction, anxiety, and ADHD, she has navigated many of the life transitions you may be facing. She creates a thoughtful, grounded space to explore your story, understand what has shaped you, and move forward with greater clarity and confidence.
We provide secure virtual psychotherapy appointments throughout Ontario and within Simcoe County — Orillia, Gravenhurst, Barrie, Midland, Bracebridge, Collingwood, Coldwater, Washago, Oro-Medonte.